Sunday, August 29, 2004

Hmm.. How's today? I'm feeling fine just a bit tired, maybe because of work this mornin..It was damn busy oh well, my manager wasn't really in a good mood and yeah all of us got scolded by her.. Gee..I'm not surprised so i dun really take it too hard. Hmm..wat else...? Bout tat thin few days ago, i've just forgotten bout it.. let's not remember bout the past.. oh well, actually I'm tryin to change the new me.. yeah have my new name and tot of changing myself for good!! Erkk i'm not trying to say that I'm a bad girl but gee.. you know.. just being less naughty.. hehehhe wat difference does it makes anyway?! Hahahhahaha.. alright..alright I'm serious.. I wanna change for good.. in sense like no smokin, drinkin, clubbing and bad stuff like that!! Can I? Ouhh my..Am I punishing myself or wat? I dunno... I'm so confused bout of life.. I uncertain and insecure of my life.. Nearly everything that I've decided to do turned out to be no good.. How am I gonna explain this?! Erkk.. you dun understand..I dun even know what I want in life!!! I hate myself..hate myself for not havin self confidence and not being firm!! Oh my.. sometimes i can't let my anger out. I dun dare to.. am i being normal? I mean..yeah i have feelings so does everyone, but i would rather let ppl scold me then me scolding them.. I really feel bad when i let my anger to someone else, especially to someone whom I love..like my mom especially..I still remember where I did voiced out and so called letting out my anger to her.. and she's kinda feel disappointed bout it, so i ask for forgiveness after that.. just because of her nags and stuff wat moms always like to say.. gosh.. never been good in the mouth.. ..
you know somethin...sometimes I feel good enough cause I have someone who love me too.. like my family and friends and cuzzies, and u know..i love them too.. I had somethin in my mind just now.. it's like I can't imagine myself getting married.. Gosh.. I think that's the worst thing ever happen to me.. never!! I'm not getting married for sure...It's not that i dun trust love or somethin, it's just that I dun think we have to get married when we're in love.. i mean marriage isn't just about love, whether in short or long term.. it's just that u have other and lots of commitments to do, a lot of responsibalities.. Oh well, wat can i say.. i will always keep somethin in mind whenever I'm havin a relationship.. gee.. believe it or not.."I may love you, but how can you sure that I'm gonna love you for long?" Changes happen, remember? I dunno why i'd never have a good relationship with men.. do i get sick with men easily? I'm not sure bout that..but once again, I have difficult times to break someone else's heart.. I dun wanna do that, it's such a sin, but what more can i do? I did not love him anymore..i rather not cheatin on him...
So once again.. trying my best to change myself for better.. and hmm.. try not to fall in love easily.. and... come on.. GET IT LIFE!!! erkk gee.. i like that line.. LoL..


puter| laterr.. 2:19 AM | ThiS Is HoW I FeeL!!

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